September Character Interview
Patricia Parrington ~ September 7, 2023
Hello my lovely readers and fellow book-lovers! For those who are new here, I, your lavender-smelling host, Patricia Parrington, have the pleasure of interviewing characters from books all over the world.
Today we have here with us Jared Kelley from the books Surviving Midas and Escaping Midas by RW Hague. RW Hague is a registered nurse moonlighting as an author, using her medical experience to write stories that are gritty and compelling.
Meet Jared
[Patricia and Jared settled onto orange suede couches and Patricia smooths out the skirt of her dress before folding her hands in her lap.]
Welcome to Fable Features! Sorry about the very strong scent of lavender. Scribblemore knocked over a vial of perfume. So. What’s your favorite smell?
Before we start, I am compelled to tell you that some of my answers may be abridged due to ongoing FBI investigations. Agent Rogers will have my ass if I don’t say that up front. He’s texted me three times already just to make sure I keep my trap shut—as if that’s ever been a problem before.
Wait, what was the question again? Smells?
Cedar. Not only is it a pleasant olfactory sensation, it’s a hell of a pesticide. That’s an unusual way to start an interview, but I suppose that’s the answer.
[Patricia nods.]
Understood. And I love cedar, too!
What would you say is your best physical feature?
[Jared shrugs.]
I mean, besides my crappy eyesight, height deficiencies, and feather-weight body composition? I’m ambidextrous. Let’s go with that.
That’s actually pretty cool! I used to try so hard to do things with both my hands so that I’d become ambidextrous.
[Patricia laughs and shakes her head at the memory.]
I think it would have to be an emergency for me to attempt anything with my left hand, though. Speaking of emergencies, how do you react in emergency situations?
Define the emergency by the probability of survival. Does it improve by hunkering down and taking it? Or should I do something? I can be level-headed when needed. It’s the after-effects that nearly kill me.
Oh man! Sounds like you’ve experienced one or two emergency situations. Were you scared?
[Jared raises his hand to show it shaking uncontrollably.]
I’m always afraid. I used to be able to hide it, but not anymore thanks to this bullshit. Now everyone just looks at me like some sort of a nutty time bomb. They’re not wrong in doing so, but it’s still . . . uncomfortable.
Really though, it’s not the “emergencies” that get me. It’s the absolute helplessness that comes with it. I can get in there and do what’s needed. There’s just not much one can do with a bottle of stolen vodka and a few strips of clean cloth. Then, after we’ve used up our options and buried the poor bastard, there’s that resounding question “who’s next?”
Being personally marked by Midas didn’t help either. He made it clear at one point that my next mistake would bring a bullet. I still dream about that. Even though I’m out, it’s all I can think about some nights. Even after being home for a month, I keep wondering when that bullet is finally going to find me.
That sounds awful! I’m sorry you have to go through all that.
Where did you learn most of your skills and abilities?
The library. Or the school of hard knocks. There’s not been much in between. That’s what happens when you get taken from your parents at seven to be raised by sociopaths. Sociopaths teach plenty of lessons. But you will get knocked about.
You were taken away from your parents? That’s awful!
[Patricia shakes her head.]
And by sociopaths, no less. Why do you think they took you?
Midas’s half-wit brother managed to get pinched over some money laundering scheme. Midas being, well . . . Midas, kidnapped my sister and I in order to get my dad to botch the trial. He was the district attorney at the time. Dad did his job. The guy walked, but Midas didn’t give us back. He just kept us. Like he does with everyone.
[Patricia’s green eyes narrow and darken.]
I really don’t like this guy. I feel like I know the answer to our next question here, but do you have any enemies right now?
Midas still has my girlfriend, so yes.
I will kill him. I don’t know how, but I swear to God I will.
I believe you. And I hope you’re able to find this Midas. I don’t know who he is, but by what I’ve heard, rescuing your girlfriend as soon as possible is probably wise. Do you have any ideas on where he might be?
Not a clue. I have some . . . ideas, but . . . That’s all I can really talk about it at this point. FBI investigation and all.
Noted.
[Patricia crosses her legs.]
Let’s move on to something a bit more light-hearted! What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you?
I don’t get embarrassed easy. I did, however, get punked by some chick. It’s a long story. A guy’s probably dead because of it. It was my fault, and I can’t take it back.
That might not be what you’re going for with that question, but the Camps were hell. Sorry I’m not able to come up with a funny story—which is what I think you’re after.
[Patricia waves a hand in the air.]
No worries! Sounds like you’ve had a hard life. Can I ask what the Camps were?
Midas is a freelance kidnapper. Most of his gigs aren’t personal; they’re for hire. Say somebody wants to run a ransom scam or wants to blackmail a powerful person into doing them a favor—they’ll hire Midas to run the job. That way the kidnapper can reap the benefits but keep their hands clean.
Midas, being an economist, doesn’t kill his victims, however. He keeps them and forces them into hard labor on his drug farms. He gives us just enough to keep us alive and working, but not enough to thrive on or to become dangerous. There are ten of these hell holes out there. Ten places where kids like me wonder if tomorrow is going to be their last day. I’ve lost so many friends . . . which is why this has to stop. It’s why I have to kill him.
That makes sense. I hope someone is able to put an end to the Camps . . . those poor kids.
[Patricia trails off then straightens and clears her throat.]
Sorry! I got us off track and away from the light-hearted questions. So. What was the situation where you laughed the hardest you ever have?
[Jared pauses for a long moment, his gaze searching the ceiling as if for something lost inside his memory. Then he smiles, if only briefly.]
Bryan and I broke into Ian’s liquor cabinet and stole a bottle of Jack Daniels. We downed it and did like two or three joints. We were totally baked!
[Jared laughs.]
I can’t even remember what started us laughing. I think it was something about my sister. Damn, was she pissed at us! But she’s always had a stick up her ass.
Turns out she was probably right, but still.
[Patricia laughs as well.]
Looks like we have time for one last question. If you had to tell someone one piece of advice, what would that be?
You’re not going to win by being the smartest or the strongest. It’s our friends that help us survive. Even if you’re scared you might lose them someday—to sickness, starvation, beatings, whatever—it doesn’t mean you can do without them. Because then you will die too. At least, that’s my best guess as to why I’m still alive. My friends.
Well said.
[Patricia stands.]
Thank you so much for coming today!
End of interview.
Want to Read More?
Jared’s author, RW Hague, can be found on Twitter/X, Instagram, Facebook, and on her website, rwhague.com. Surviving Midas, the first book in the Midas Trilogy, can be found here, and the second book, Escaping Midas, releases today (woo!).
See Ya Next Month
Aaaand that's all the time we have today. Thank you, readers, for coming. And thank you, Jared, for letting us get to know you. See y'all next month, and until then, stay outta trouble and keep writing!
If you would like to submit a character to be interviewed for a future issue of Fable Features, please send an email to linnaekconkel@gmail.com with the subject line: Fable Features.
If you have questions you'd like Patricia Parrington to ask in a future interview, please submit them to linnaekconkel@gmail.com with the subject line: Interview Questions.
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